Be Thankful

There are alway's things to learn from life. Recently, I had a revelation that changed the course of my life. Thankfulness.... such a hard word, especially for those dealing with depression, anxiety and fear. Thankfulness.... what does that truely mean.

Definition of THANKFUL

1: conscious of benefit received
2: expressive of thanks
3: well pleased
4: Aware and appreciative of a benefit

I alway's have seemed to have a hard time being thankful. I see the issues in my life not the joys or benifit's. So I decided to stop and really pay attention to the things God or life was giving me, no matter how small. If it was just a simple smile from a stranger, a family helping hand, safety in a drive, etc. I have come to find out there are alot more joy's in life than terrible. Maybe if we all just look at the great things that happen around us, we wont be so anxious, we may not worry as much, we may smile more and enjoy the little things. Sit outside and just look at the nature all around you, not in a haze, but clearly look at the beauty God has created and made. The freeness of the birds and beauty of the trees. Be thankful for the small things and you will find that there are more things, much bigger, that you can truely be thankful for.

PANIC

I suffer with panic attacks from time to time and have often wondered how to conquer them. Some have been so terrible that I almost pass out. How terrifying that simple anxiety, fear, or worry could create such an sense of dread and uncontrollable emotions. Bringing up these attacks to my Psychologist wasn't hard but what I heard was. Because to me Panic was something I couldn't control and have always thought well I must be crazy or need medication for them. Here it is the simple but yet hard truth.... "You can stop a panic attack from happening, all you have to do is stop being anxious about the situation." Are you kidding.... I actually said that to her.... That is not as easy as it sounds.

So I decided to look up Panic Attack when I got home

pan·ic (pnk)

n.
1. A sudden, overpowering terror.
2. A sudden widespread alarm.
adj.
1. Of, relating to, or resulting from sudden, overwhelming terror.
tr. & intr.v. pan·icked, pan·ick·ing, pan·ics
To affect or be affected with panic. See Synonyms at frighten.

Hmmm, I thought how funny that the definition of panic in the dictionary didn't really define what it is I was suffering from. I didn't seem to have a sudden terror like situation happen to really cause me to panic, it was merely a thought or worry of a "possible" outcome of a situation. So I talked to my Psychologist again, I asked her how to stop having Panic Attacks. Her response was so simple but yet so affective I smile just thinking about it. Because just today I just about had a Panic Attack and with her method reversed it before it even got to the point of no return, so to speak.  Her answer?..... Simply this to stop thinking, take a deep breath, and begin saying why am I worried, what is the best thing that could happen from this situation, what is the worst thing that could happen, and then say OK I can deal with that no need to panic or fret about it. Sounds so simple, yet alot of times we don't stop ourselves and focus. But with people with Panic attacks we go full throttle no stopping to think or contemplate that were being unrealistic or hard on ourselves, we just panic, that is the first thing that comes to our minds. So yes it is a chore to actually think before we act but it will save ourselves in the long run.

I also asked my Psychologist why the first thing that comes to my mind is fear and anxiety instead of what I call normal people do. She said this and this is another epiphany.... Because I have had so much fear, panic, and anxiety in my life the fear portion of my brain is active all the time. So in a normal brain, when something slightly threatening comes your way, usually you stop access the situation and deal with it. Fear is used in terrifying life threatening situations. Well in a person with fear and anxiety, the brain thinks it is in constant danger so that part is not turned off, so when something slightly unsettling happens, our brains determine it to be life threatening enough to cause a state of worry or fear. So we kinda have to retrain our brains to turn off that  part during normal situations. I hope that made sense, she used a much better example.

Anyhow, so the point of this topic? When you have a panic attack coming use these steps...

1- Stop

2- Take deep breath

3- Take the time to analyze why you are worrying

4- Realize you can handle any situation

5- Focus on the positives

It takes time to practice this, I used it today and it worked well. Just putting a label on what your panicking about really helps you see that you have nothing to panic about, just take things one step at a time, slow down, and realize your potential to succeed.

The Cause and Affect

Cause and Affect, For many years Ive struggled with Panic, anxiety, and fear. It was so gripping it affected many aspects of my life. I had gone through so many situations in my life that I had to wonder what has made me so afraid of life. On advice from my Psychologist I basically sat down with my journal in hand and prepared to write down every bad thing that has happened in my whole life. Thinking back from recent days all the way back to the day I was born.

I always had thought I had a great childhood and wonderful parents. I was close to my sisters and family. So I never really thought that anything in the past before I got married could have caused any of my problems. But the more I recalled and wrote down, the more I realized that each small issue that had happened to me, changed my life and how I dealt with things so drastically.

I had finally figured out the root of the problem, the very first thing that started my anxiety and fear. It may have started with one situation but every situation in the future piled on top of each other to create such a high sense of anxiety in my life.

For me the cause was when I was 7 my cousin who was a year older than me, molested me. And every time my family went to visit her family she did the same thing. When I refused to do what she said, she would threaten to do it to my sisters so I allowed it. I became fearful and gave in to someone else's will. I became a door mat at that point, I became a victim.

When you give up the fight and allow yourself to become a victim, you let other people step all over you and you begin to think less of yourself too. So I decided to look up victim in the dictionary, and to my dismay and horror I realized what had truly caused me to become this scared and terrified person. I WAS A VICTIM..... wow

vic·tim (vktm)
n.
1. One who is harmed or killed by another.
2. A living creature slain and offered as a sacrifice.
3. One who is harmed by or made to suffer from an act, circumstance, agency, or condition.
4. A person who suffers injury, loss, or death as a result of a voluntary undertaking.
5. A person who is tricked, swindled, or taken advantage of.

I had allowed myself to stay a victim through my whole life, instead of being like a duck. Like so many adults have told all of us over the years, to being a door mat. Something to let people step all over and wipe their garbage on. What another great epiphany!

So with journal in hand, I walked in to my Psychologist with a new understanding of myself.  And now a big journey begins to deal with the situations in my life and to realize how important I really am and how to become a stronger and more confident woman.

What is Fear and Anxiety

Although alot of people seem to think fear and anxiety are two separate identities they go hand in hand. It starts off with anxiety and becomes fear. I decided to look them up in the dictionary:

anx·i·e·ty (ng-z-t)
n. pl. anx·i·e·ties
1. A state of uneasiness and apprehension, as about future uncertainties.
2. Psychiatry A state of apprehension, uncertainty, and fear resulting from the anticipation of a realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation, often impairing physical and psychological functioning.
3. Eager, often agitated desire

fear (fîr)
n.
1.
a. A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.
b. A state or condition marked by this feeling: living in fear.
2. A feeling of disquiet or apprehension.
3. Extreme reverence or awe, as toward a supreme power.
4. A reason for dread or apprehension.
v. feared, fear·ing, fears
v.tr.
1. To be afraid or frightened of.
2. To be uneasy or apprehensive about.
3. To be in awe of; revere.
4. To consider probable; expect.
5. Archaic To feel fear within (oneself).
v.intr.
1. To be afraid.
2. To be uneasy or apprehensive.

Knowing the definition, I was able to put a label on what fear and anxiety were defined as. Looking at the definitions seem to put a twist on my problem that I really hadn't seen before: wonder.

Wonder, hmmm how does someone seem to get in such a state and why do some people have this problem over things that shouldn't cause fear or anxiety. Here is a good example: One day I was looking for a cookbook my husband wanted me to find a recipe in for that evenings dinner. I had thought I put it in the bookshelf only to realize it wasn't where i thought it was. Now in a person without fear and anxiety they would just sluff it off and just say oh well it will turn up. But in a person suffering with fear and anxiety they do what I ended up doing and PANIC. I proceeded to empty out every drawer, cupboard, and shelf until I found it. Half way through I was in such a state of panic I was trembling from head to toe and not thinking clearly. You see the first thing that lands in a fearful person's head is what the consequence could be if you didn't find the stupid cookbook.

Now when I mentioned that to my Psychologist we came to an epiphany. She asked "So when you think of something like a task what is the first thing you think of?" Silly question I thought, not realizing that I was doing something so backwards. "Well" I said, "I think of what could happen if I don't find the cookbook, like my husband will get mad or something." She made me see that the first thing to come out of my thought pattern was negative thoughts. NEGATIVE..... hmmm I thought I was such a positive person. I could talk to people and be so encouraging but on the inside to myself I was so hard on myself. So what's the epiphany you say? It is this to stop panicking about every little thing you need to slow down, look at the situation, think of all the positives first. Stop yourself from thinking of the worst possible thing. Thinking back to alot of the times I've done that, I realized that alot of my panic was unfounded and never happened I just thought they would. Wow what an epiphany.

The Beginning

I've been suggested by a few people to start a blog to gather my thoughts and to share my journey with anyone interested or struggling with fear and anxiety. For years, what seems like most of my life, I have struggled with this affliction. It controlled every aspect of my being. For a long time I thought I couldn't break free from this terrible monster that had a hold of my life. I tried for so long on my own, reading and researching on the Internet to find ways to live with it or even through some miracle cure me. I went through alot of hard times and heart ache trying to figure myself out.

A couple of years ago I started my journey to break free from the chains that seemed to hold me back from my life. Feeling so much like I was a prisoner and couldn't break free, I turned to the caring hands of a Psychologist. For a long time I was so afraid to go to a Psychologist in fear that that I would be labeled a nut and put into a asylum or something. But as you notice FEAR was the theme of my life. Pushing past that I made an appointment and from that moment on it has changed my life.

This is where the inspiration for this blog begins. I will explain what I learned and still am learning as I talk to her. The epiphany's and the amazing advice I learn each and every time. The amazing thing is It doesn't take medication but hard work and a willingness to change your life forever. I look forward to sharing my journey with you. And I hope you find inspiration and a break through in your own life.